bollocks, bollocks

Ahhh. Finally Skins Series 1 arrived. Makes me wanna swear!
For a reason. Calling my sending  body brouuught a decision: They will not send me back. No way. Thanks, twats! They basically backed out of it. Yeah, it is understandable in a way. But I’m way too mad to be reasoning now.
Instead I’m being the mad, bitchy seemingly 15-year-old who didn’t get what she wanted and being a bitch around my parents. As if they are to blame. It’s noone’s fault, but I just fail to accept that I’m not going back soon. I just can’t.
I guess now it’s up to my parents deciding when or whether I can return.  Hooray… or not. Cause even if I’m allowed to, there’s tons of stuff to be done beforehand. Duh…
Well, at least I’ll have news from ARI more often, since Peter’s returning. Would be all fine, if there wasn’t Ms. W. accidentally coming back as well.
On the same fucking day! And at first she had decided not to come back at all! WAHHH! Of course she’s all back now, “seizing” her opportunity now that I’m definitely gone. Ahhh…
Nora said I should start therapy to cope with stuff, especially people’s reaction and lack of understanding when I tell them I want to return. People must think I’m mental. On the one hand, there’s the “It’s-too-dangerous-you-don’t-know-what-you’re-doing”-side, that’s mostly German. And then there’s “It’s-not-as-bad-so-you-hopefully-can-come-back-soon”-side, mostly Japanese and some Germans, yay 🙂
Just don’t know what to believe anymore. I just don’t buy into the German fear-mongering, it all seems too Chernobyl-aggrieved.
Aaaanyway. Time will tell and I have surely more than enough of it.
So tomorrow, I’ll get up earlier, go to the doc, go take some pictures, go to therapy and do sports… and bake. Sooomething to do.

Folks, I’m not all nuts and I don’t want to go back just because of my boyfriend. But because of my work and friends and stuff and life. Cause I’m not done yet. Maybe I don’t take this shit seriously but really, I don’t give a fuck about whether I’ll be exposed to radiation or not. Maybe I should care more about it, but I just can’t. And nobody should worry about that, since I’ll be allowed to go back only when there is no radiation anymore, anyway.
What about the people who are there now? All ARI community? None of them is leaving because of radiation.
>>They can’t run, but it’s not your homecountry. It’s theirs. So they stay.<< Yeah. Got that. Won’t make me feel better, but thanks for letting me know that most people think I’m mental for wanting to supposedly “risk my health”.
But thanks really to Nika for understanding me. I think you are the only one.

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