The threads of an old life

I found it is time to blog again – and I want to revive my tumblr, though it’s not really made for oldschool blogging, because it is October. It’s a new chapter of my life all over again, and I want to keep track of it.
The other day I watched a video of Crash Course Psychology about trauma, where Hank talked about Tolkien and Lord of the Rings as a way to cope with his trauma, and how the ending of the book also showed that. Tolkien writes

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep…that have taken hold.”

And then Frodo and the others wander off to another country. I remember the 13-year old me being SO pissed at this ending, that seemed so abrupt and incomprehensive, and for years I disliked the ending.
Watching the video, I was reminded of that, and suddenly I realised – I don’t feel like that anymore. After experiencing probably one or two traumata myself, the ending seems to speak out this strange feeling of disconnectedness after something bad has happened. It is like you suddenly woke up to the reality of the world, and you can never forget it ever again. You can never sleep again.
Looking at it now, the end of the book is strangely comforting, and I realise I’m not that 13-year-old anymore. But it is also comforting to know I was still asleep back then, not yet facing this new world, which seems so reveal a brutality that was hidden before.

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