Ahhh it’s December again. Again again.
I should blog more! Reading old entries is so nice and reminding me of my past, which is good motivation for the future. Which is why I’ll just apply for that internship in London, no matter how crazy things would get if I actually got it :> I just want to go and follow my heart again 🙂
There are days when life just seems horribly bland and without much meaning, where very step feels robotic. What’s the point in writing that essay, what’s the point in exploiting myself to make some more money to buy some more things?
Fortunately, I’ve been able to pull away from that hole soon enough, meditate while drawing or just get lost in wonderful and challenging conversations with my friends and flatmates. When we pull out the guitar at 10 in the evening and play a bit, not caring of the neighbours will complain. Sometimes it’s like I’ve lost that sense of magic that kept me going in the past. That sense of wonder and belonging and unity in a world that is coming together and falling apart at the same time. The connection between me and the universe, life as it is happening to me right now. But actually, it’s been there all along, and it will never be lost. Even if some people fade, old friends can return and I’m amazed each time at how if there’s been a true connection, it will never go away again. Sure, that little bond between you and the other one may have worn out, thin as a thread, but still there.
Sitting cozily on the tram today, returning home from another night selling food at the Christmas market, smelling of grease and meat, I happily thought of how, no matter how fucked up some things are, I’m just so happy with the present. All I have, everyone and everything I love can and might get lost in the future. That realisation hit me hard, actually. I’m just eternally thankful for all those people I met along the way and I trust with all my heart and soul, even if not all of them stay with me, and some I walk away from. The kind of people I can drink wine with all night and watch youtube videos, the kind of people that I could listen to forever, thankful for every glimpse into their lives. Everyone is just wonderfully fascinating ❤
There are so many threads connecting my heart with others. A happy December, it is ❤
My favourite Christmas song, All That I Want by The Weepies: